This is written for all the people out there who are either drug-addicted or who have a loved-one who is held captive by chemical dependency - The Unseen Force.
There is a strange force that lives deep in my soul, and to drive me to madness it's persistent goal. Insidiously, it creeps deep down inside, gives me no warning. There is no place to hide. This evil one takes me and leads me by hand, off to a mysterious, magical land. But I am aware of his tumultuous game - the one we have entered still remains unnamed.
Ah! To the ocean . . . we walk on the sand. The wave's foamy caps crash over my hands. I see peace, tranquility as I stroll on the shore, but then a terrible feeling - I'll come here no more. A shiver runs through me for there is the beast! The one who is poised saying "take of my feast!!" But what he brings me is sorrow and empty despair. I try to outrun him; he charges me like a bear.
I hide now within this dark, dreary place. The sun no longer shines upon my tear-stained face. My friends try to help but from this they cannot save . . . I'm left in disgrace in this hollowed-out grave. One month to another time slowly goes by. I often cry out and keep asking why. Why does it torment me and cause me such strife? Then I wonder how I can make it through today's long night. It's vice-like grip won't let me go free . . . I scream in terror! But it just sneers at me.
Then just as I think there is no way but down, his grip loosens on me, and I rise with a smile. Did you know that I sang at the Opera last night? The conductor, so solemn, he gave me a fright. Arriving home late, I ran up to my room - why life holds no pain, no sadness or gloom!
Oh sunshine! The bliss of a beautiful morn; a day like no other, I cherish the dawn. All the earth is wrapped in linen and lace - All of God's creatures each in his own place. Oh, what can I do for this glorious world? My mind is racing, my life in a whirl. Just look at the honey bees crowding the nest, and the soft purple haze looking out from the west. My energy soars as I roll through the grass of my newly mowed lawn. I head out to my neighbors. They don't answer the door. I get into my car and head for the store. Another day passes - I have no regrets. The TV shows re-runs long into the night. My eyes close heavily as I cover my head.
. . . . It's morning, I scarcely can rise from my bed. The first thought I have is, "I wish I was dead." I'm covered with lonliness, laden with shame. Once more, he's bought me and again won the game. Don't even touch me - I'm off limits now. Can't you see my distress as I wipe off my brow? Just leave me alone, for alone I shall be, 'till the force that now holds me again sets me free.
Wow that was so poignant!May I ask, are you speaking of Spencer's addiction?
I will find a very poignant story Spencer wrote years ago and share it with you if I haven't already. It gave me goose bums when I read it because it was so deep, I could hardly follow the meanings of his metaphors. Intense!
Love ya, Chris