An '88 Jetta.  Ours was dark navy blue!  Oh, and a cruched front grill, bumper and light

Back in ’88 My family lived in North Conway, N.H.  It was January or February on that Saturday.  My Dad had ordered a new car a few weeks before and today they called him to come and get it.  He told my brother Tyler and I to pile in our other car along with my Mom so we all could be there when he got it. He was soooo proud! Of course my Brother and I wanted to drive back with Dad so when the dealer placed the keys in his hand we jumped in with him.  My Mom went straight home to do some things around the house while we went around town showing off our new car to a few friends and family.  After our last stop I started digging in the glove box and I pulled out the “basic” manual for the new car.  I read as far as the “5 mile an hour bumper” feature it had and asked Dad what that meant.  He said, “Well, if you’re in a parking lot or in slow traffic the bumpers have shock absorbers that will cushion the collision and not damage your front or rear bumpers when you “bump” into another car or post at or below 5 miles an hour.”  I said, “No way, that can’t happen.”  My Brother chimes in immediately from his rear seat...now leaning forward between the two front seats to see the diagram in the booklet, “Show us how it works, Dad!”  So my Dad gives in and tries to find a place along our country roads to “bump” into something and he came up with the idea that he would wait until we were at the end of our dirt road and “bump” into the snow banks that have been frozen now for two months just past our driveway.  

We were amped!  My Brother and I couldn’t wait to get back home and see how this marvel of machinery held up.  As we turned down our dirt road, about 300 yards long, we got more and more excited about the adventure about to happen.  As we drove by our front yard, I can remember shifting my eyes quickly back and forth from the speedometer to the snow bank, the speedometer to the snow bank.  We got about 25’ from the snow bank and we were still rolling at 15 miles an hour!  My Dad pressed on the brakes and right at that point, he hit a patch of ice that was under a coating of light snow that the plow didn’t get up from the last plowing.  It created a skating effect that almost seemed to increase our speed for just a second.  That’s all it took.  WHAM!!!  The front end was crushed.  I mean, everything was crushed!  The headlights and front grill were just crumpled into pieces, many of which stuck into the snowbank and the bumper didn’t stand a chance!  My Brother and I said in unison, “Dad, that didn’t sound like it did it’s job.”  We got out and sure enough it didn’t, how could it?  We were not going 5 miles an hour or less!  

Needless to say, my Dad was not pleased and if I remember correctly my Mother came out to welcome us home and found us just past the driveway lodged in the snow bank...with a crushed front end.  Yup, 1 hour old and already we need to bring it back and get it repaired!  That’s the way things go around my home.  My Brother and I still laugh about it to this day!  Waaaay too funny.

Lesson Kids:  When it says “5” miles an hour or less it means “5” miles an hour or less....not 6 not 7 not 9.345!

JC